Getting to Knowww You...

{Sing title as Julie Andrews from The King And I...}

The cashier looked at me like I was insane. And why wouldn't she? I was coming through the check-out line with a package of M&M's, a double pack of post-it notes, and a Disney princess bouncy ball. And then she asked the dreaded question: "What's all this stuff for?" 

Explaining color guard to a normal person is hard enough. Explaining why these materials are crucial for a group of high school girls is even harder. But, just as community is important in blog-land and educational classrooms, a team cannot thrive without community.

Every coach and extra-curricular instructor has seen this battle. Do I expect all my girls to be best friends at the end of the season? No. Do they have to hang out with each other outside of practice? Quite frankly, I don't care if they do or not. But they are required to perform together, as one complete team rather than several individuals. They are required to converse respectfully and humorously during rehearsal, and these things would be impossible to do without first getting to know one another.

When I first began coaching color guard, I made the mistake of making rehearsals about color guard. Yes, the end product will be color guard. Yes, the judges are scoring color guard. But rehearsals are not about color guard. Rehearsals are about the girls; about instilling strength, endurance, teamwork, and motivation in these young women that they can use later in life, wherever their future may take them. These skills are not molded by technique and choreography. They are molded by community.

Taking an hour out of camp days to do nothing but play games was the smartest thing I've done since I began coaching. From the outside looking in, it seems anything but productive. The directors were laughing as girls were getting whacked in the face by bouncy balls and raced to shove countless M&M's in their mouths. The girls and I were laughing, too. But by the end of the season, no one was laughing because we had molded and recruited some of the most dedicated, hard-working individuals I've had the privilege of coming to know.

So today, I had my girls vote on their favorite team building activity; the activity I would share with my beautiful readers. Naturally, we had a tie. So, if you're a teacher, coach, director, or camp counselor, today I'm clueing you in on two of our favorite team building games: The M&M Quiz and The Question Ball.

The M&M Quiz
What You Need:
--Instructional Index Card / Card Stock
--Packets of Fun Sized M&M's

What You Do: 
--Give each member their own packet of fun sized M&Ms. {Tell them they can't eat them...yet.}
--Review the Instructional Index Card. It should cover what they should mention for each color of M&M's they have.
--Go around the circle. The members have to answer the information corresponding to their M&M colors as fast as they possibly can, eating the M&M's as they answer the questions. The one who answers the questions and eats their M&M's the fastest wins!

Some Ideas for Color Prompts: 
RED: A skill you've already mastered
ORANGE: Something you do well.
YELLOW: Something you're obsessed with.
GREEN: Something you watch / listen to.
BLUE: A goal for the upcoming season / school year.
BROWN: Something you can't live without.


The Question Ball
What You Need: 
--1 oversized beach ball / bouncy ball
--full package of post it notes
--Sharpie / permanent marker
--Tape

What You Do:
--Write one question per post-it note.
--Cover the ball with post-it notes, taping the notes on so they don't fall off during the game.
--Start the timer and choose the first question you see. Answer the question as quickly as possible before passing it to someone else.
--Whoever catches the ball chooses the first question they see and answers it as quickly as possible.
--Keep passing the ball until all the post-it notes have been removed and answered.

Some Ideas for Question Prompts: 
What is your favorite song currently?
What is your favorite book and/or series?
If money/salaries didn't matter, what would you do for a living?
What is your dream car?
If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?
What's one food you can't live without?
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Are you left or right handed?
Do you have a job? Yes = where do you work? No = what's your dream job?
Who is your favorite actor / actress?
If you could live in any era, what would it be?
What is your favorite music?
What is your favorite quote?
Name your absolute favorite dessert.
What is one article of clothing you can't live without?
What is your favorite animal?
What is the best gift you've ever been given?
What is your favorite scent / smell?
What is your best subject in school?
What is your favorite candy?
What are your favorite colors?
What's your favorite beverage?
What are you looking forward to most this year?
What emoji defines your personality?
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
If your life was a movie, what would the title be?
What is your favorite season and why?
What is your favorite holiday and why?
Who was your preteen celebrity crush?
Name something you do to relax.
Who is your favorite superhero?
What is your favorite sport (to watch or play)?


Feel free to put your own spin on these activities to make it fit your team even more, and I want to hear your awesome, creative team-building ideas, too! Email me at bethany@crayonstoconfidence.com or drop a comment to share what you do for your team/class!

Have fun!

Why Is This Stuff So Important?

The question threw me. For the first time in my life, I didn't even know what to say.

A middle aged man (with golden intentions, don't get me wrong), had found my blog and thought it necessary to ask. Why is all this beauty distortion stuff so important? First, I was angry at him for obviously not empathizing with the struggles my readers and I deal with every day. Then, I was angry at me, because I obviously wasn't completing my mission very well.

Since taking a moment to process the situation, I understand where the man was coming from:
1) He's a man. 
And while men undoubtedly deal with masculine distortion in the media today, it is not as obvious, nor as viscious, as the beauty distortion and objectification women receive on all ends.
and 2) He's middle aged. 
Not that middle aged men and women can't empathize with the situation. Not that they can't understand the struggle, but this is far more than a Daddy-you-just-don't-get-it cry from a hormonal teenage girl. The reality of it is, previous generations often don't understand the struggle. Because they never had to deal with it the same way.

So today, we're going to take a break from attacking beauty distortion. We aren't going to talk about social media. Or advertisements. Or photoshop, or objectification, or even self esteem.

We're going to talk about why we talk about all those things.

And we're going to do so by answering some {very realistic} questions from our baby-boomer readers. So here we go.

Why did you choose beauty distortion as a platform? 
It is present in absolutely everything. I can write about whatever I want, and can inevitably relate it to beauty distortion.

But more than that, it makes women seem weak. We have always heard that the photoshopped advertisements, airbrushed models, and enhanced social media filters contribute to low self-esteem, eating disorders, depression, and anxiety in young women today, but we instead choose to blame these young women for being too naïve to notice the difference between distortion and reality.

My question is... How could we not be too naïve to notice the difference?

Bullying has been around forever. So has beauty distortion. The generations before us dealt with these inconveniences too, but they were also able to escape from it. They might have endured fights and prejudice at school or work, but they were able to return home to parents who loved them as children. They were able to choose friends who valued them for who they were. And those friends and parents were the only people they saw outside of school and work.

Today, teenagers return home to their phones. Their computers. Their iPads. They return home to the same world they endure at school and work; the same world where they are gossiped about, objectified, disrespected, and bullied. Bullied. What a harsh word, you say. It is harsh. It's also true. Today, our young men and women are convinced that everyone else's life is brighter, everyone else's body is prettier, and everyone else's mind is smarter because of the way their friends and classmates are portrayed on social media. They don't realize they are viewing a false self of the profile they have open, so they inevitably feel forced to portray a false self on their own profile. Not to mention, the comments, critiques, criticisms, objectifications, and bullying they endure in real situations follow them (often more viciously) onto their Instagram feeds, Snapchat requests, and direct messaging inboxes.

Baby boomers can say they experienced these things when they were our age. But they did not.

Not in the same way. And they won't experience them in the same way until they have their own child they are fighting desperately to save.

You don't struggle with beauty distortion. Why are you blogging about it? 
Alright friends, it's time to get vulnerable.
--I weigh myself at least once a day.
--I pull at my extra fat on my thighs, stomach, and arms.
--I check my body from multiple angles in mirrors, store windows, and dressing rooms.
--There are days I think about how easy it would be cut down my calorie intake.
--I buy the lowest calorie, lowest fat version of each grocery I have.
--There are days I hate the clothes I once loved because they don't make me look skinnier than I am.
--I have to force myself to not read articles about the fastest ways to lose weight.
--I hate myself a little more every time I sit down and have to pull the waistband of my jeans over that last little fat roll.
--I compare my body to others every single day.

Still want to say I don't struggle? Let's validate it even more.
--I have never once purchased a magazine containing weight loss tips.
--I have never once used a photo-editing program to alter a picture
--I have removed my business from many objectifying and technologically altering companies such as Victoria's Secret. (Email me about that if you have any issues, because it's one of my favorite stories to tell.)
--I have never taken diet pills.
--I have never participated in a strict weight-loss diet plan.
--I have never participated in a strict gym schedule.
--I am very active.
--I am within a healthy BMI.

You can't say that I'm naïve, because I have not bought into distorted culture. In fact, I've done my best to remove myself from it. If you've read some of my previous posts, you've probably noticed I'm a little outspoken. Yes, I am strong, but I still struggle with "this stuff" as it was previously called.

Contrary to popular belief, my work at Crayons to Confidence and other self-love crusades are not just a ploy for fat girls to feel validated, nor are they strictly a recovery tool for eating disorder survivors. They are for any man/woman with a heartbeat who lives in this toxic society. Just as you do not have to be diagnosed or on medication to experience anxiety or worry, you do not have to be laying in mental health rehab facility to struggle with beauty distortion.

Who is your primary audience for the Beauty Distortion Ban? 
I wasn't kidding. My primary audience is anyone with a heartbeat who is living in today's toxic society. If they are anxiety warriors, kudos. If they are struggling with an eating disorder, then I hope I can help (at least a little bit). But I'm writing just as much to the 12-year-old girl crying in the dressing room as I am to the model who was fired because her BMI reached the normal range.

If you're so passionate about all this stuff, why are you going to be a teacher? 
Good question. If I'm this passionate about beauty distortion (and all the other creative, beautiful, performing arts topics), it makes a lot more sense for me to go into the fashion industry. Perhaps modeling, makeup design, or even skin care. Or what about the psychological industry? I've had friends tell me I should look into being a therapist or a social worker. And I do have so much respect for individuals in these professions. We need them now more than ever. But my personal issue with these professions regarding beauty distortion is that they all operate on the back end. The fashion industry has too many guidelines and limitations to make any real immediate progress, and psychologists and social workers alike both work to save individuals after they have fallen victim to such toxicity. I wanted to work on the front end.

It's not that I seek to put therapists and social workers out of business. It's that I hope less and less people will grow to need them. Teachers have a choice: they can create a factory out of their classroom, where students learn to read, write, solve equations, and memorize facts. Or, teachers can create a community where students feel valued, respected, intelligent, talented, and given attention for their abilities rather than their disabilities. A teacher is one of the few people left in society who has the job to enhance the personal gifts that each child is given while also developing some new ones. A teacher's primary job is to turn discouragement into faith, hope, and success. The more a child grows up knowing they are valued for everything they are rather than judged for everything they are not, the less we'll have to fight this toxic battle.


So why is this stuff so important? 
Because it affects everything we do. It affects our health: how much we starve, how much we diet, how much we work out. It affects our wallet: how much makeup we buy, what gym membership we upgrade to, and the medical/cosmetic treatments we splurge on. But perhaps most importantly, it affects our mindset. There are more important things in life than losing five pounds, but I know I forget that every day. There are more important things to do than make yourself "pretty." And there are more important things to remember... Like the fact that God made you the way you are in this very moment for a reason, and He doesn't make mistakes. I'm not saying you shouldn't treat the body He gave you with healthy care. But the more you try to alter it from its natural state, the more you're telling Him that you don't like the life He gave you. And He worked so hard on you...

It's important because we're beautiful, and we don't even know it.

My prayer for you, dear sister (or brother), is that with each and every post on this blog, you will begin to know it. Not only know how beautiful you are, but that you will begin to love how beautiful you are. Because you deserve it.

You deserve to be completely and unapologetically you.

All You Need Are Some Chacos & An Adventure

by Guest Writer: Darsha Dodge

On Thursday, July 21, 2016, my life changed. I received a full-time position as the Warehouse Manager for Xanterra Parks and Resorts at Mount Rushmore, and instantly became the newest member of a team (read: family) full of incredible individuals who are fiercely dedicated to making your experience on the mountain as enjoyable as possible. With one year left at the University of Arkansas, I'm currently in the mire of trying to organize my life to finish school online, take on a full-time position, and get the hang of what a "winter coat" will actually consist of all the way up here in South Dakota. After a quick trip back home to Arkansas at the end of August, I'm set to return to the populous town of Keystone (a whopping 350 people) and settle into my new position.

My first time working at Mount Rushmore was last summer, when I spent three months gallivanting around the Black Hills and watching my bosses play softball. My unbiological sister, Carlye, and I loved it so much that we signed up for a second season. Now that my life has altered in a matter of seconds, I am certainly happy we did. Upon arrival at the site for the second time, we were alerted that Xanterra Mount Rushmore was up for our contract renewal again, and our former Warehouse Manager (the one who taught me almost everything I know about working there) was leaving his position after fifteen years to drive for Coca-Cola. And...well...there I was, ready and willing to take on a new adventure.

I'm not sure that anyone back home is even surprised. I mean, I'm the girl who jumped on a plane to Berlin the morning after my high school graduation to spend a year (alone) nannying in Germany. When I announce another spontaneous adventure, I'm rarely met with shock or awe. However, I attended a high school where there was one correct future. Only one "right" way to live. High school. College. Degree. Interview. Job. Work. Marriage. Kids. Retirement. Die. All of which require budgeting. Binding contracts. Plans, plans, plans.

I've never been very good at plans.

Not that there's anything wrong with the cookie-cutter way of life. I know several people who have followed their dreams and stuck to a plan and did everything right when everyone else told them they should, and they turned out fine and in love and happy. But I am so spontaneous. I crave adventure. I hate being on a one track radar because I fear that I'll miss out on something more exciting. Something more rewarding. Something more important.

The point is... Everyone loves to tell you what you should be doing with your life, and it either fits one of two categories: they're either telling what you should do because it worked out for them, or because it didn't and they don't want you to make the same mistake. They have good intentions, but you aren't them. Your story is not the same as theirs. Your plan (or lack-thereof) is different.

I'm not so sure there's a correct way to live. There's no right or wrong way. There's just their way and your way. They made some mistakes. You will, too. They made fond memories. You will, too. But if you have something tugging at your heart, it's important that you follow the life you know you were called to rather than the life everyone else says is calling you. You were made for a different purpose than they were, so their plan might not work for you.

All that to say, I quickly discovered that warehouse work suits me very well after being stuck down there for two weeks when I nearly broke my foot. I guess you could say I fell right into it. Literally. The process for the position was officially the most agonizingly long process I have yet to endure, but once I was told the position was mine... Well, let's just say there was a lot of hugging going on in the warehouse.

So that's it. I'm officially signed on full-time to work for the site and harass all of the people who make life at Mount Rushmore pretty darn great. Despite everyone else's opinions about the safe and correct way to continue life, my leap of faith worked out incredibly well in my favor. I'm not saying it will work out every time, but if you don't take a chance a few times, I can be certain that you'll never know what could've been. I'm fully aware the life of pure spontaneity and adventure isn't for everyone. Not everyone enjoys coasting through life with little to no plan. But if that's what excites your soul, don't hesitate to pursue an opportunity because other people are scared. This isn't about them. It's about you.

If you ever happen to be in the Black Hills, feel free to stop by the gift shop and ask for me - I'd love to meet some of B's readers! And if any of you have recommendations for how to survive an actual winter, please let me know... I'm starting to get the feeling that my chacos and Arkansas sweatshirt aren't going to cut it anymore!